It’s
amazing how little it takes to make us happy when we’re young children. A new
toy, a game of peek-a-boo or a kiss from Mom - it didn’t take much.
For Rebecca Youssef, now a sophomore at Lehigh University, all it took was Barney and Burger King french fries.
Her love for the fries went so deep that she cherished not only the taste, but also the smell. So much so, that when she was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia, a rare form of leukemia in children, at the age of 3, her grandfather would bring her them every day, even though she was too sick to eat them. She would sit in her hospital crib with the warm, salty, golden fries in her hands, so close to her face, and just smell them for hours...and that made her happy.
Even though now, 16 years later, Rebecca enjoys actually eating the fries, that memory remains. Having cancer is something she has obviously never forgotten. She isn’t frequently reminded of that time in her life, only when she absolutely can’t avoid it. Only when things like the smell of Burger King french fries are present.
One of those moments occurred when she was accepted into Lehigh University. You would think that the two have nothing in common, no relating factor. But the reminder came randomly, when filling out rooming information, and the questionnaire asked if she had any special needs or handicaps.
Even though cancer was never something Rebecca allowed to hold her back, it left her with an ailment she must address from time to time. Rebecca is 50 percent deaf in one ear and 60 percent deaf in the other, and therefore needed strobe lights in her room. “I can’t hear high pitched sounds,” she said. “In high school during fire drills I couldn’t initially hear the fire alarms when the doors were shut, I just got up because everyone else was.”
Another reason that college and her experience with cancer are so interrelated is because she went in wanting to be an oncologist, the kinds of people that she dealt with during her nine months in the hospital.
For Rebecca Youssef, now a sophomore at Lehigh University, all it took was Barney and Burger King french fries.
Her love for the fries went so deep that she cherished not only the taste, but also the smell. So much so, that when she was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia, a rare form of leukemia in children, at the age of 3, her grandfather would bring her them every day, even though she was too sick to eat them. She would sit in her hospital crib with the warm, salty, golden fries in her hands, so close to her face, and just smell them for hours...and that made her happy.
Even though now, 16 years later, Rebecca enjoys actually eating the fries, that memory remains. Having cancer is something she has obviously never forgotten. She isn’t frequently reminded of that time in her life, only when she absolutely can’t avoid it. Only when things like the smell of Burger King french fries are present.
One of those moments occurred when she was accepted into Lehigh University. You would think that the two have nothing in common, no relating factor. But the reminder came randomly, when filling out rooming information, and the questionnaire asked if she had any special needs or handicaps.
Even though cancer was never something Rebecca allowed to hold her back, it left her with an ailment she must address from time to time. Rebecca is 50 percent deaf in one ear and 60 percent deaf in the other, and therefore needed strobe lights in her room. “I can’t hear high pitched sounds,” she said. “In high school during fire drills I couldn’t initially hear the fire alarms when the doors were shut, I just got up because everyone else was.”
Another reason that college and her experience with cancer are so interrelated is because she went in wanting to be an oncologist, the kinds of people that she dealt with during her nine months in the hospital.
During
those nine months, Rebecca was put on an aggressive form of chemotherapy, which
caused her to lose her hair and half her body weight. “I think being sick
actually made her a stronger person, even though she may not remember all of
the things she went through,” said Julia Youssef, Rebecca’s mother.
Julia sat by Rebecca’s side for the entire time she was sick, and watched her daughter fight tooth and nail every time she had to take medicine, watched the doctors hold her down as they forced vile tasting medicine down her throat and watched her refuse to eat anything for nine weeks in protest of what was happening to her.
“The doctor always used to say that as difficult as it was [to give her her medicine], she was glad because it meant that she was a fighter,” she said. “It was her way of fighting.”
Julia recalled perfectly the first time Rebecca ate again after those long grueling nine weeks. “Finally one day around 3 a.m. she said to me that she wanted chicken,” she said. So despite the fact that the hospital Rebecca was at was in a bad and dangerous area and that all the nurses advised her against it, Julia ventured out into a strange town in search of chicken for her daughter.
Julia sat by Rebecca’s side for the entire time she was sick, and watched her daughter fight tooth and nail every time she had to take medicine, watched the doctors hold her down as they forced vile tasting medicine down her throat and watched her refuse to eat anything for nine weeks in protest of what was happening to her.
“The doctor always used to say that as difficult as it was [to give her her medicine], she was glad because it meant that she was a fighter,” she said. “It was her way of fighting.”
Julia recalled perfectly the first time Rebecca ate again after those long grueling nine weeks. “Finally one day around 3 a.m. she said to me that she wanted chicken,” she said. So despite the fact that the hospital Rebecca was at was in a bad and dangerous area and that all the nurses advised her against it, Julia ventured out into a strange town in search of chicken for her daughter.
She found an open diner where the man would only
sell her half of an entire chicken, but she didn’t care. She bought the chicken
without a second thought and brought it back to Rebecca. “She ate a little bite
and that was it,” she said. “That was the first thing she ate in nine weeks.”
This unconditional love that caused Rebecca’s
mother to go out in search of chicken in the middle of the night, and her grandfather
to bring her Burger King fries every day, is something that Rebecca remembers
vividly and credits for her health today.
[Rebecca & her mother, Julia]
“My mom was so positive and everyone was always
around me, and they made the room bright,” Rebecca said. “No one ever, at least
not in my presense, acknowledged the fact that I was sick to bring me down. It
was a good atmosphere. I think that’s half the battle.”
At the time, Rebecca didn’t know the seriousness of
the situation and the important role that her family held. The oncologist
dealing with Rebecca’s case told her mother that she only had a 15 percent
chance of living. But Julia never gave up hope; she never stopped believing
that her daughter would be in that 15 percent. “I told my family that if they
were going to cry or be all mopey [when they saw Rebecca] that they shouldn’t
come at all,” said Julia.
Even Rebecca’s older sister Katrina, who was 7 at the
time, did her part in providing Rebecca with a positive atmosphere. Rebecca’s
parents put Katrina in a summer camp while they cared for Rebecca, but all
Katrina wanted to do was be with her sister.
[Rebecca & Katrina doing the survivor's lap at Relay for Life 2009]
“She would come home crying and asking, ‘Is it true
my sister’s going to die,” said Julia. “She didn’t want to go to camp, she just
wanted to be in the hospital with me and Rebecca.”
But the only way they would allow Katrina to see
Rebecca was if she came to the hospital every day and had no contact with other
children all summer long in order to prevent the spreading of germs to Rebecca.
Katrina chose to go to the hospital every day.
“Every day she would come and she would bring her
toys and Barbie’s, and would spend basically all day there…and Katrina was
happy,” said Julia.
After nine months of being in the hospital,
surrounded by her family, Rebecca went into remission for the rest of her life,
contrary to what doctors expected. Her life from then was normal, with random
moments along the way that connected her back to cancer.
In fact, nobody even knew that Rebecca was deaf until she was in first grade, even though medicine from the chemo she had when she was 3 had caused the damage. Teachers just thought she was slow, and placed her in basic skills class and speech therapy. She had speaking problems, messing up words like breakfast and bathing suit, in which she would say “becfast” and “baby suit.” But once she scored an almost perfect score on a state test, it was realized that she was deaf.
She wasn’t known as the deaf girl or the girl with cancer. In fact most of her classmates didn’t even know until her senior year of high school, when she made a speech at a Relay for Life assembly telling her story.
In fact, nobody even knew that Rebecca was deaf until she was in first grade, even though medicine from the chemo she had when she was 3 had caused the damage. Teachers just thought she was slow, and placed her in basic skills class and speech therapy. She had speaking problems, messing up words like breakfast and bathing suit, in which she would say “becfast” and “baby suit.” But once she scored an almost perfect score on a state test, it was realized that she was deaf.
She wasn’t known as the deaf girl or the girl with cancer. In fact most of her classmates didn’t even know until her senior year of high school, when she made a speech at a Relay for Life assembly telling her story.
Some always knew, though, mostly those who knew
Rebecca from a young age and went to elementary school with her. During that
time in her life she wore hearing aids, which she always hated. In fact she
would pull them out of her ears every day in order to get out of class.
“I didn’t like them,” she said. “It was like
artificial hearing. It was like hearing things through a microphone all of the
time…it drove me insane.”
Rebecca went the rest of her school career without
hearing aids, relying on reading lips. Julia recalled the incident she believed
made Rebecca ultimately give up on the hearing aids. Someone in school asked
her if they were radios, and she went home saying she would never wear them
again.
The hearing aids only gave way to the fact that she
couldn’t hear and that she had had cancer, and that’s not what Rebecca wanted.
In middle school, Rebecca’s science teacher informed her mother that she was
failing his class. Julia was confused as to why this was happening because she
constantly helped Rebecca study, and she always knew her material. Finally, she
was informed that the tests were orally given. “When he told me they were oral
I was like ‘no wonder!’ She couldn’t hear, and she probably didn’t want to ask
him to repeat the question…she’d rather die than tell someone that she can’t
hear,” Julia said.
When Rebecca was allowed to retake the tests she did
much better.
“I don't think anyone really treated Becca differently with hearing aids, if anything they were just curious about what they were because it was something other people didn’t have,” said Jocelyn Nelson, a classmate of Rebecca’s from elementary school. “I don't really even remember her having them except for when she lost them on the blacktop and one of the aides asked us all to help find them.”
“I loved Rebecca,” said Will Lovejoy, another childhood classmate. “I always thought she was so funny, and I don’t think anybody thought she was different because that’s just how she was, you know? We all loved her.”
In fact, both Nelson and Lovejoy did have specific memories about Rebecca, none of which had anything to do with her hearing aids.
Nelson reflected back on the first time she saw Rebecca, which was in elementary school after Rebecca had broken her leg from jumping down all the stairs in her house. “I just remember her being amazingly good at sports, and the boys always wanted her on their team for gym,” she said. “She was always really funny and wore monkey shirts all the time.”
Lovejoy shared an anecdote of an encounter with Rebecca when he accidentally kicked her brand new soccer ball onto the roof of a nearby building. “She didn’t even say a word, she just ran over and started kicking me,” he said. “Like she kicked me 12 times, and then I bought her a soccer ball for her birthday party.”
“You would feel like people would be more questioning in elementary school because that’s not common, but I honestly don’t remember anyone making it obvious that I was different,” Rebecca said.
“I don't think anyone really treated Becca differently with hearing aids, if anything they were just curious about what they were because it was something other people didn’t have,” said Jocelyn Nelson, a classmate of Rebecca’s from elementary school. “I don't really even remember her having them except for when she lost them on the blacktop and one of the aides asked us all to help find them.”
“I loved Rebecca,” said Will Lovejoy, another childhood classmate. “I always thought she was so funny, and I don’t think anybody thought she was different because that’s just how she was, you know? We all loved her.”
In fact, both Nelson and Lovejoy did have specific memories about Rebecca, none of which had anything to do with her hearing aids.
Nelson reflected back on the first time she saw Rebecca, which was in elementary school after Rebecca had broken her leg from jumping down all the stairs in her house. “I just remember her being amazingly good at sports, and the boys always wanted her on their team for gym,” she said. “She was always really funny and wore monkey shirts all the time.”
Lovejoy shared an anecdote of an encounter with Rebecca when he accidentally kicked her brand new soccer ball onto the roof of a nearby building. “She didn’t even say a word, she just ran over and started kicking me,” he said. “Like she kicked me 12 times, and then I bought her a soccer ball for her birthday party.”
“You would feel like people would be more questioning in elementary school because that’s not common, but I honestly don’t remember anyone making it obvious that I was different,” Rebecca said.
In her high school yearbook, Rebecca was chosen as one of 320 students to be written about on the front page of the “student portraits section.” But the write-up wasn’t about her hearing or cancer…it was about her procrastination. The blurb read: “Or Rebecca Youssef’s procrastination. It earned her many sleepless nights, but the rest of us felt at ease knowing that we would always finish the assignment before her.”
It was during this time in high school that Rebecca
decided she wanted to be a doctor. “I remember growing up being like, ‘I never
want to be a doctor, that’s the worst, most depressing career,” Rebecca said.
But once she got to high school and she learned more about the people who
helped her all those years ago, her opinion changed. She realized that she
would truly enjoy helping people. So that was her dream for all of high school,
to be a pediatric oncologist.
But sometimes as we all know, things don’t go as planned. The dream didn’t work out, and Rebecca has since changed her dream to a business major. “I guess I didn’t realize how much of a commitment it was, and how difficult it would be to just go to med school,” she said. “ I think coming into college I wasn’t mentally, emotionally or physically prepared to put this much work into it. I didn’t like anything I was learning, and I realized that I didn’t want to put myself through that.”
Rebecca struggled in her science classes necessary for a premed route. Her struggles have resulted in bad grades and therefore a falling behind in GPA and credits.
Rebecca doesn’t feel she’s failing some sort of obligation to be a doctor because she had cancer, it’s more that she feels as if she didn’t try her best, and now her struggles have held her back. “It has created a problem for me in a lot of areas in my life because I didn’t do well,” she said. “I don’t like the idea of not having the option of doing what I want, of exploring things.”
It was in these moments that Rebecca’s days of having cancer rose back in her life, experiences and memories linked to her plan to be a doctor. The smell of the Burger King fries was ever present during this time in her life.
“I always said that I wanted to help people,” she said. “But now I’m realizing that there are other ways to help people, and maybe I’m not best suited to be a doctor.”
But sometimes as we all know, things don’t go as planned. The dream didn’t work out, and Rebecca has since changed her dream to a business major. “I guess I didn’t realize how much of a commitment it was, and how difficult it would be to just go to med school,” she said. “ I think coming into college I wasn’t mentally, emotionally or physically prepared to put this much work into it. I didn’t like anything I was learning, and I realized that I didn’t want to put myself through that.”
Rebecca struggled in her science classes necessary for a premed route. Her struggles have resulted in bad grades and therefore a falling behind in GPA and credits.
Rebecca doesn’t feel she’s failing some sort of obligation to be a doctor because she had cancer, it’s more that she feels as if she didn’t try her best, and now her struggles have held her back. “It has created a problem for me in a lot of areas in my life because I didn’t do well,” she said. “I don’t like the idea of not having the option of doing what I want, of exploring things.”
It was in these moments that Rebecca’s days of having cancer rose back in her life, experiences and memories linked to her plan to be a doctor. The smell of the Burger King fries was ever present during this time in her life.
“I always said that I wanted to help people,” she said. “But now I’m realizing that there are other ways to help people, and maybe I’m not best suited to be a doctor.”
[Rebecca & Laura present day]
-Laura Casale '15
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