When I was young my parents always told me that I could be
whatever I wanted to when I grew up. Now a twenty-year old, I can’t help but
wonder if I truly took their words to heart. As a child, I don’t think becoming
a bioengineer was very high up on my “what I want to be when I grow up list.”
At the top of the list were things like being an actor or baseball player. If I
truly believed my parents’ words, why did I never try out for school plays and
why did I quit my little league baseball team in the seventh grade? Was it due
to lack of motivation from my parents or from laziness on my own part to become
truly good at something? The answer is no to both of those questions. While my
parents did not push me extremely hard to become an all-star baseball player,
it would be selfish to blame them for why I am not on my way to the major
leagues right now. They wanted me to carve my own path and follow my own
dreams, not their dreams for me. I wasn’t lazy either; I applied myself in many
other areas of my life like my school work.
The
truth is I was scared. The wild dreams of a child to become a major league
baseball player or movie star became silly ideas as I grew older. The thought
of pursuing either of those careers, which both have very low rates of success
for people trying to make a name for themselves, was a terrifying one because,
like most people, I feared failure. The easier road was to pursue what I was
best at, school.
So
now here I am, a junior bioengineer at a prestigious university. I am not
unhappy, and I truly feel blessed to be afforded the opportunity to attend
Lehigh and to have a family that supports me and loves me. Yet I can’t help but
wonder, have I truly made the most
out of my life or am I going through the motions? Have I taken chances or have
I played it safe? Mostly I try not to think about it because what’s past is
past, and I always try to make the best out of any situation.
I
can still try to live up to the words my parents said to me, but by now is it
too late? In telling my friend some of these thoughts, she told me “Colin, you
could change your major right now, but you won’t.” She is right. I’ve come too far to start fresh, the dreams of
my youth are gone anyway, and again, I’m still scared of failing. While there’s
no guarantee the path I’m on right now will lead me somewhere meaningful, I do
enjoy bioengineering and look forward to what the future holds. Maybe it is
just the rigors of a junior year engineering course load instilling doubt and worry
into my mind, but for now I will have to struggle with these fears of almost
indescribable nature.
Still,
I can’t help but smile every time I see someone else’s childhood dream become
reality. It was such a great moment watching C.J. McCollum get drafted into the
NBA because it was such a real example to me and everyone else at Lehigh of
what it is like to achieve your dream. Moments like that give weight to the idea
of being able to be anything when you grow up. Moments like that make me hope
that when I have kids one day, they believe it and live it more than I did as a
child. Moments like that make me think maybe I still have a lot of growing up
to do, and it’s not too late to live the words my parents told me when I was
younger.
- Colin Orr '15
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